Love is neutral: it can be healthy or unhealthy

Blogger and writer Mark Manson has decided to conduct research before marrying those who have been in a happy marriage for more than a decade. He asked them what their secret was and what lessons they learned through it.

American blogger and writer Mark Manson recently got married and decided to do some interesting research before getting married. Through his website, he asked all those who have been in a happy marriage or relationship for more than 10 years to share their tips and the lessons they have learned, and how they maintained that spark after many years.

If they divorced, he asked them to say what went wrong then. Almost 1,500 people from around the world contacted Mark, and after reading and selecting, he realized that the answers were strikingly similar and repetitive. And they can be applied in every relationship.

Be together for the right reasons
‘I got married for the first time because I was raised as a Catholic, and that was expected of me after a longer relationship. And I wasn’t ready. I got into another marriage because I was lonely and unhappy, and I thought that with a woman who loves me, it would all disappear. Wrong. It took me three tries to understand that you need to be with the person you like to be with. It’s really that simple. ‘

As Mark embarked on his research, he sought out those who had one, two, and even three divorces behind him to tell him what they had done wrong. The most common answer was, ‘We were with this person for the wrong reasons.’

Here are some of them:

Pressure from family and friends
They felt like losers because they were solo and they married the first person they came across
Need for a complete picture for the public because the relationship looks ‘good on paper’ (or in the photos) and the couple really don’t really like
Youth, naivety, infatuation and thinking that love will solve all problems.
Another wrong reason to get involved, as Greg mentioned, is to ‘fix’ yourself. Using someone’s love to calm your emotional problems will inevitably lead to unhealthy and harmful dynamics between you and your partner. Only you can ‘fix’ yourself. Love is neutral. It can be healthy or unhealthy, helpful or harmful, depending on why and how you love someone and whether you are loved.

You need to have realistic expectations for relationship and romance
You will definitely not be in love and feel butterflies in your stomach every day for the rest of your life. The romance also goes away over time, but often it also ignites. That is normal. Many come to terms with unrealistic expectations. And then when after a while they no longer feel that initial infatuation (sometimes infatuation), they think that the relationship has come to an end and that they need to end. No !!! There will be days, weeks, and maybe months when you won’t feel so excited in a relationship. There will be days when you wake up in the morning, look at your partner and think, ‘Uh, you’re still here’.

And you will be nervous about its appearance (and you have no valid reason for it). And that’s normal. And what is important is to overcome such moments and stay in a relationship or marriage. It will pay off, because such moments will not last forever. It may take time sometimes, but again the day will come when you look at the person next to you and you will be overwhelmed by a huge wave of love.

Because love that is alive is constantly evolving. It expands and deepens and may not be like the beginning of your relationship. But it shouldn’t be. If more couples understood this, I believe there would be less panic escaping from a relationship or marriage.